Top 10 Things to NEVER Say to a Cancer Patient

Over the last seven months, I've heard almost every type of comment, statement, question, etc about me, cancer and medical issues in general. I'm putting together a list of some of the more choice comments made in an attempt to have a sense of humor about things!

10. "When is your hair going to grow back?"
Well genius, let me whip out my magic 8 ball and see what it tells me. "Not any time soon"...that's what its telling me! In all seriousness, everyone is different. Some people's hair starts growing immediately following the last chemo. Others don't see any real hair for a few months. And the color and feel of the hair is never what it was prior to chemotherapy.

9. "I knew you were really sick going through chemo because you looked terrible. You look so much better now."
Um, wow! Thanks! Guess what? At least I had an excuse - you're just ugly everyday! (No, I didn't say this to the person, but I wanted to!)

8. "How do you feel about your diagnosis?"
A friend asked me this about a month after my diagnosis and I really didn't know what to make of the question. I think people confuse 'diagnosis' with 'prognosis'. And people also don't understand that 'treatment' is also different from 'diagnosis' and 'prognosis'. I should have told her to get a dictionary and look up the word 'diagnosis'. I don't know anyone who would be happy with a cancer diagnosis!

7. "Oh, I miss your hair!"
Yes, another woman said this to me. I was speechless at this one. YOU miss MY hair? How do you think I feel????

6. "My wife's mother died of breast cancer."
This is something that really bothers me. Some people feel the need to tell you that they know someone (mother, grandmother, aunt, friend, etc) who died of the exact cancer you have. This is not what ANY cancer patient wants to hear. This is like saying "oh I know someone with blond hair just like you who died". Everyone knows someone (unfortunately) who died of cancer. People in active treatment do NOT need to hear about anything other than people who survived cancer.

5. "You really look great."
People really mean well. They do! But hearing this makes me think one of two things. First, did I look like crap before? Or second, is the person telling me this trying to make me feel better because they think I actually look sick? I don't know. I just smile whenever someone tells me this.

4. "Did you lose your breast?"
This is such a personal question. And believe it or not, a man asked me this. Its really none of any one's business what body parts you have or don't have anymore. If a person wants to offer it, that's one thing, but outright asking if you've had a mastectomy is pretty insensitive.

3. "You better not have any girls since you and your mom had breast cancer."
Breast cancer isn't necessarily genetic. Something caused one cell in my breast to mutate, which caused cancer cells to grow and multiply. Estrogen fueled this cancer growth. Just because my mother and I had breast cancer does not mean that my female offspring will have it. My son could get breast cancer! This just shows that even with all the "awareness" out there about breast cancer, most people are pretty ignorant about the disease and the genetics of cancer. I am BRCA1 and BRCA2 negative, thank you very much!

2. "You must have saved so much money not needing haircuts"
Again, this just shows people's ignorance. Yes, I've saved a lot of money not needing my hair cut. But my medical bills have cost me over $8,000 so far (and that's with good insurance!). So even that small savings in hair cuts has not outweighed the cost of chemotherapy, surgeries, medications, radiation and tests.

1. "I would never know you are going through cancer treatment, minus the scarf of course!"
Again, this lovely statement was made by another woman! I swear, some people just don't get it. If you don't' know what to say, don't say anything at all!