Once I am done with my 34 zaps I radiation, I will be done with treatment. Radiation has been relatively easy so far - I go to Alexandria Hospital every morning at 8:00 am, lay on a table for about five minutes and then I'm done. The longest part of the whole treatment is lining up the five tattoos I received with the machine. Once I'm set up, I have to hold my breath four separate times. Holding a deep breath puts more air in my lungs, which pushes my heart out of the way of the radiation beams. Its how the radiation oncologist ensures that only a small part of my heart is impacted by the radiation. Have you every held your breath for 30 seconds? Its difficult!
The radiation oncologist gave me some cream I have to put on four times a day. It will lessen the burning and discomfort that comes around zap #20. So far, I've been terrible about putting it on. I mean, who has time to lather up four times a day when working? And the cream smells funny and leaves this weird film all over my chest. Ick.
I'm still pretty tired - I would like a nap everyday around 2:00 pm. But with work and Liam, its tough to take naps. As radiation continues on, I may need to start taking time to sleep every afternoon because I don't want to risk lowering my immunity.
On Friday, I saw my oncologist for a physical. My blood work came back better than it has since June. My white and red blood cell counts are still low, but within normal range. So basically, they are on the low side of normal. I need to start taking a multi-vitamin again. I couldn't stomach those during chemo so I stopped taking them. Now I need to get back on the healthy bandwagon and begin with vitamins and greens shakes again.
I asked about weight loss and getting back into shape. Since I started working out again last week, I've noticed that I have excruciating pain in my legs and hands. I know muscle pain from a good work out and this is completely different. It aching in my joints, like I'm an old woman. I asked about this and my oncologist told me that this is due to two things. First, my white blood cell count is still relatively low and the Nuelasta shots I got during chemo to up my counts are still affecting my bones. So my body's attempt to make more cells caused changes in my bones, hence causing the pain I'm experiencing. Second, my body is making no estrogen right now. This leads to weakened bones, or osteoporosis. While this is temporary (I hope my whole reproductive system goes back to 'normal' soon), it causes bone pain. Both of these together can cause pain and working out only exacerbates the pain. So for right now, walking, typing, etc causes pain and discomfort.
On Tuesday, I will get the results of the biopsy of the lump on my arm. I am sure its nothing, but I still have anxiety about what the outcome will be. The biggest fear all cancer patients have is recurrence. Between the bone pain and the lump on my arm, my fear is that its metastasized in my bones. I know this is a silly fear because I am going through an aggressive regiment, but its a fear that can't be helped because it only takes one cell. While I am positive in my belief that I will live a long life, its always something in the back of the mind.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Bye Bye Phyllis!
I am celebrating this evening because Phyllis, my mediport, is gone! Dr. Weintritt removed her today during a very brief surgery at Mt. Vernon Hospital. He also removed the lump that was on arm and said that it appears to be a cyst.
The difference with this surgery is that I was awake during the procedure. Very strange, I know. I wasn't sure if I could handle it, but then I likened it to a c-section and felt OK with it. The needle sticks they gave me were the most pain or discomfort I experienced. I could feel tugging and pressure, but I never felt any pain. Thank goodness!
Tomorrow, I start my next leg of the journey: radiation. 34 zaps and I will be cancer-free.
The difference with this surgery is that I was awake during the procedure. Very strange, I know. I wasn't sure if I could handle it, but then I likened it to a c-section and felt OK with it. The needle sticks they gave me were the most pain or discomfort I experienced. I could feel tugging and pressure, but I never felt any pain. Thank goodness!
Tomorrow, I start my next leg of the journey: radiation. 34 zaps and I will be cancer-free.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
My Next Adventure
My next adventure in Cancerland is radiation. I met with my radiation oncologist today to go over my 'case' and my treatment options. For someone with my statistics, there really aren't multiple options I get to choose from. There is one protocol for women who had a lumpectomy and underwent chemotherapy. That protocol is 34 rounds of radiation. 28 of those rounds are a one minute zap and 4 of those rounds are a 'boost'. So that's what I'm getting!
On Friday, my radiation oncologist will simulate a radiation session with me to determine where to place the three beams that will deliver the zaps. There is a lot of math and physics involved in this simulation because they need to avoid some major organs. Because my breast cancer was on the left side, my heart and lung are of concern. Unfortunately, they cannot avoid my heart. So a small portion of the heart will get radiated each day. And a small piece of my lung will also receive some kind of damage. The radiation oncologist said it can't be avoided and she will do her best to ensure that none of the damage will cause long term problems.
The side effects of radiation are a lot less than chemotherapy. My skin will turn pink, like a sun burn, and I will end up itching and irritated. Think about the worst sun burn you ever received as a kid. That's what radiation is like! I think I had about five really bad sunburns before the time I turned 18 so I'm all good with what to expect! There is a lot that can be done to mitigate those side effects. Creams, cotton bras, no underwire and aluminum-free deodorants help decrease any pain and irritation that may be caused by the treatment. So the doctor sent me home with a radiation shopping list to get ready for my next big adventure in cancer land.
Some of the long term side effects really do concern me. I never felt scared about chemotherapy, I just looked at it as a necessary evil. But radiation really scares me. Some of the long term side effects include:
1. My breast will most likely shrink and be permanently discolored. So....no more topless sunbathing.
2. I can never breastfeed from the radiated breast because radiation permanently damages the milk ducts. This actually really upsets me because breastfeeding Liam was such a huge bonding experience. If I am lucky enough to have another baby, this will be something that I need to deal with emotionally.
3. If I ever have a local recurrence of breast cancer in the left breast, I cannot have anymore radiation. This would mean that I would need a mastectomy to ensure that all the cancer was removed/killed.
4. My lung capacity in my left lung will decrease between 3-8% from radiation. Even though I will still be able to run and exercise like everyone else, this could cause issues if I end up with any lung infections or breathing issues (pneumonia, bronchitis, etc).
So there you have it! All these things they do to kill the cancer and avoid a recurrence have risks and unintended consequences. This is what I hate about cancer...they make you sick, to make you better. But, radiation is a necessary evil for all women who have lumpectomies - its part of the treatment protocol. I could have elected to have a mastectomy to avoid a lot of this, but then I would dealing with a whole host of other issues. So I continue to be happy with the treatment choices I've made and the doctors I've selected to treat me. I can't wait to start radiation because its one step closer to ending this chapter in my life.
On Friday, my radiation oncologist will simulate a radiation session with me to determine where to place the three beams that will deliver the zaps. There is a lot of math and physics involved in this simulation because they need to avoid some major organs. Because my breast cancer was on the left side, my heart and lung are of concern. Unfortunately, they cannot avoid my heart. So a small portion of the heart will get radiated each day. And a small piece of my lung will also receive some kind of damage. The radiation oncologist said it can't be avoided and she will do her best to ensure that none of the damage will cause long term problems.
The side effects of radiation are a lot less than chemotherapy. My skin will turn pink, like a sun burn, and I will end up itching and irritated. Think about the worst sun burn you ever received as a kid. That's what radiation is like! I think I had about five really bad sunburns before the time I turned 18 so I'm all good with what to expect! There is a lot that can be done to mitigate those side effects. Creams, cotton bras, no underwire and aluminum-free deodorants help decrease any pain and irritation that may be caused by the treatment. So the doctor sent me home with a radiation shopping list to get ready for my next big adventure in cancer land.
Some of the long term side effects really do concern me. I never felt scared about chemotherapy, I just looked at it as a necessary evil. But radiation really scares me. Some of the long term side effects include:
1. My breast will most likely shrink and be permanently discolored. So....no more topless sunbathing.
2. I can never breastfeed from the radiated breast because radiation permanently damages the milk ducts. This actually really upsets me because breastfeeding Liam was such a huge bonding experience. If I am lucky enough to have another baby, this will be something that I need to deal with emotionally.
3. If I ever have a local recurrence of breast cancer in the left breast, I cannot have anymore radiation. This would mean that I would need a mastectomy to ensure that all the cancer was removed/killed.
4. My lung capacity in my left lung will decrease between 3-8% from radiation. Even though I will still be able to run and exercise like everyone else, this could cause issues if I end up with any lung infections or breathing issues (pneumonia, bronchitis, etc).
So there you have it! All these things they do to kill the cancer and avoid a recurrence have risks and unintended consequences. This is what I hate about cancer...they make you sick, to make you better. But, radiation is a necessary evil for all women who have lumpectomies - its part of the treatment protocol. I could have elected to have a mastectomy to avoid a lot of this, but then I would dealing with a whole host of other issues. So I continue to be happy with the treatment choices I've made and the doctors I've selected to treat me. I can't wait to start radiation because its one step closer to ending this chapter in my life.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Done with Chemo
Yes, you read that title correctly...I am done with chemo! My last infusion was Friday and I could not be happier. Today I am tired and have limited energy, but my mental state is a thousand times better than ever. I feel positive and happy to be done, but scared of having no more chemicals in my body seeking out and destroying pesky cancer cells.
For my last treatment, my former Chief, mentor and friend, David Baker, sat with me for four hours as I got my chemo cocktail. We talked a lot about his ordeal last summer and my current health challenges. To say that he is an inspiration is an understatement. He has taken an awful life experience and turned it around into a positive. I hope to do the same with my situation, turning an unexpected diagnosis into something that will shape me, my views and my life focus for many years to come.
Although I am still in active treatment, chemotherapy is over. Although I am happy and relieved, I am scared and worried as well. For someone with my diagnosis, there is no 'test' at the end of the road to tell me I am cancer-free. I read about a lot of women who have that final PET scan or blood work that gives them the good news. Because I am stage 1 and had aggressive treatment, there is no test for me. No PET scan, no blood work. I just need to believe I am cured. How does that sit with me? Not well at all. I was told I will only be tested if I have symptoms of mets to the bones, liver or lungs.
Well, what are those symptoms? I'm not really sure. Bone pain? I get that a lot when I work out or run. Shortness of breath? I have it right now from chemo. Other lumps? I have one right now on my arm. So to say that ending active treatment has given me peace of mind is a serious falsehood. Ending chemotherapy freaks me out. There will be no more cancer fighting drugs in my body. Any hibernating bears that still exist can begin to grow again and that scares me more than another round of chemo.
So what's next for me? I've decided to see another radiation oncologist. The drive every day to Arlington Hospital Center is just going to be too much for me. So I am going to see another radiation oncologist at INOVA Alexandria and have my six weeks of radiation there. On October 25th, my port will be surgically removed, along with the lump on my arm. And the first week in November, I start radiation. I will get 30 zaps over a six week period. January 1, I will start two years of Tamoxefin to suppress the Estrogen in my body. After two years, I can go ahead and try and have another baby.
Even though chemo is over, cancer isn't over for me yet. I've still got some treatments to endure and some healing to do. A lot of the healing now is mental and physical. Gaining strength and mental acuity back can take up to six months. My brain, skin, hair and reproductive cells have been under attack for four months. It takes a while for those cells to heal and to regenerate. Short term memory loss and trouble focusing have been major hurdles for me and I hope to regain my edge soon. I'll just keep healing and know I will be myself again one day. New normal or not, I will be back in tip top fighting shape soon.
For my last treatment, my former Chief, mentor and friend, David Baker, sat with me for four hours as I got my chemo cocktail. We talked a lot about his ordeal last summer and my current health challenges. To say that he is an inspiration is an understatement. He has taken an awful life experience and turned it around into a positive. I hope to do the same with my situation, turning an unexpected diagnosis into something that will shape me, my views and my life focus for many years to come.
Although I am still in active treatment, chemotherapy is over. Although I am happy and relieved, I am scared and worried as well. For someone with my diagnosis, there is no 'test' at the end of the road to tell me I am cancer-free. I read about a lot of women who have that final PET scan or blood work that gives them the good news. Because I am stage 1 and had aggressive treatment, there is no test for me. No PET scan, no blood work. I just need to believe I am cured. How does that sit with me? Not well at all. I was told I will only be tested if I have symptoms of mets to the bones, liver or lungs.
Well, what are those symptoms? I'm not really sure. Bone pain? I get that a lot when I work out or run. Shortness of breath? I have it right now from chemo. Other lumps? I have one right now on my arm. So to say that ending active treatment has given me peace of mind is a serious falsehood. Ending chemotherapy freaks me out. There will be no more cancer fighting drugs in my body. Any hibernating bears that still exist can begin to grow again and that scares me more than another round of chemo.
So what's next for me? I've decided to see another radiation oncologist. The drive every day to Arlington Hospital Center is just going to be too much for me. So I am going to see another radiation oncologist at INOVA Alexandria and have my six weeks of radiation there. On October 25th, my port will be surgically removed, along with the lump on my arm. And the first week in November, I start radiation. I will get 30 zaps over a six week period. January 1, I will start two years of Tamoxefin to suppress the Estrogen in my body. After two years, I can go ahead and try and have another baby.
Even though chemo is over, cancer isn't over for me yet. I've still got some treatments to endure and some healing to do. A lot of the healing now is mental and physical. Gaining strength and mental acuity back can take up to six months. My brain, skin, hair and reproductive cells have been under attack for four months. It takes a while for those cells to heal and to regenerate. Short term memory loss and trouble focusing have been major hurdles for me and I hope to regain my edge soon. I'll just keep healing and know I will be myself again one day. New normal or not, I will be back in tip top fighting shape soon.
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