YES! Tomorrow is my last chemo treatment (hopefully) ever. I've never been excited to sit in the chemo chair, but believe it or not, I'm looking forward it tomorrow. It will be the last time I enter that room as a patient. I hope to one day enter that room as a survivor who is there to encourage and help other women affected by the disease.
I have a real mix of emotions going into my last treatment. My nerves are at their normal heightened level the night before any treatment. But I'm strangely excited for tomorrow because its the last one. I'm emotional because its been four months of hell that I'm ready to put behind me. I'm happy that my side effects were (for the most part) manageable. I'm sad that there are many women who endure much more than I have, only to succumb to the disease. I'm scared of being actively 'done' with chemotherapy and not knowing if its all 'gone' and if I'm in remission. And I'm scared it will come back and one day kill me. Because of all of these emotions, I've been a wreck all day.
My last pre-chemo visit with Dr. Denduluri went well today. Aside from my counts, she said I look good and am responding well to treatment. My white blood cell count is on the edge and my red blood cell count and hemaglobin are below the normal range. Its just a cumulative effect of treatment. The more chemo you pump into someone's body, the lower their counts go - its normal.
So tomorrow is it! Then its one last surgery and onto six weeks of radiation. So by Christmas, I will be in remission and cancer-free. It will be the best Christmas of my life.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month
October is 12 days away and already the TV, radio and the web are full of pink ribbons, 3-day walks and scary statistics about how many women are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. Its not even October yet and I'm so over it. So. over. it.
I will give you some examples: I ate an Activia yogart today...it had a pink ribbon on the container. I flipped through Self magazine last night...it had a full page pink ribbon ad for Lean Cuisine. I opened my Facebook page and in the corner was a 'buy a pink ribbon' ad. A year ago I would have thought, "oh how nice", counted on my fingers how many years my mom has been a survivor, and went on my merry way. This year its different because its very personal. And I'm very annoyed.
You are probably thinking my annoyance is due to the fact that I'm in the middle of one the hardest treatment protocols for breast cancer patients. That may be partially to blame. But I think I share the same frustration as many young "survivors". I will try my best to explain my feelings without sounding too harsh and critical.
Breast cancer has become "cool" for product advertising. Kentucky Fried Chicken had pink Buckets for the Cure last year. Websites like the Pink Ribbon Shop sell only that...items with pink ribbons on them. Did people sit in a room and design necklaces with ribbons intertwined in them and think "if we design it, they will buy?". Who buys this stuff? Not me. Not any woman I know who's had breast cancer. Did people buy more Kentucky Friend Chicken last October because the bucket was pink? Why would Komen WANT women to eat fried chicken when its proven that fatty diets and unhealthy lifestyles often contribute to the growth of cancer cells in the body?
When did having cancer become en vogue and an advertising executive's wet dream?
Maybe instead of a pink ribbon on a yogart, they should list the warning signs of breast cancer next to the ingredients: dimpled/thickened skin on the breast, inverted nipple, discharge from the nipple, pealing/flaking breast skin. I think THAT would help a lot more than a ribbon. Or, if they really want to help women through the Lean Cusine ad in Self, give information about how to do a monthly self breast exam. Because unfortunately, most women don't know how to do a self breast exam correctly and don't know what to feel for when doing one.
I know, I know, you are probably saying "she's an idiot because all these companies donate money to breast cancer research". Do they really? The Pink Ribbon website says that they "make periodic donations to various organizations in an effort to find a cure for cancer, assist cancer patients, and reduce cancer deaths through education initiatives that promote early detection. To date your purchases have led to donations of $27,191!!" How much do they donate, what research firms do they donate to and how much of the money really goes toward research? This ambiguitous statement doesn't answer those questions.
Don't get me wrong - I don't hate the Susan G Komen fund. They are the reason breast cancer is on the proverbial map now. Thank God for Susan G. Komen. Thank God her sister, Nancy Brinker, decided to launch a worldwide movement when Susan died in her 30's from breast cancer. I participate in the 5K every year. I donate money. I use the website. It was the first website I went to when I was diagnosed. It helped me understand my pathology report and explained what every number meant. But all that being said, I can't help but be annoyed by the Susan G Komen fund. It just seems like breast cancer awareness has morphed into this money making machine that's more about marketing and advertising than about the actual disease and the life changing treatments women endure.
So what do I advocate you do during Breast Cancer Awareness Month? If you feel inclined to donate money to a breast cancer cause, please consider the following non-profits:
The Young Survival Coalition (www.youngsurvival.org) was formed by breast cancer survivors who are 40 and under. They advocate for better screening for young women, more resources, clinical trials and treatment. Breast cancer in young women presents unique challenges related to fertility, employment, insurance and quality of life. Most doctors still believe that we're 'too young' for breast cancer. YSC is trying to change that attitude in the medical profession and in the insurance industry.
The Pink Daisy Project (www.pinkdaisyproject.org) was created by a YSC member a few years ago to provide young women with breast cancer with simple resources like house cleaning, groceries and transportation to/from treatment. Again, breast cancer in young women creates challenges because most are primary care givers for children or primary breadwinners. The Pink Daisy Project helps those who are struggling to accomplish simple tasks like making meals and cleaning the house.
Fertile Hope (www.fertilehope.org) was created by Lance Armstrong to help those diagnosed with cancer defray the costs of fertility preservation treatments. As many of you know, fertility treatments can run into the tens of thousands of dollars. Most insurance companies do not cover these treatments. Fertile Hope helps young men and women diagnosed with cancer pay for costly drugs and procedures to can help preserve their fertility after treatments are complete.
If you want to get involved instead of donating money, think about doing the following:
1. Call your local hospital. Many have breast cancer screening or oncology centers. Volunteer for a few hours. Ask about programs that deliver meals or other services to women going through treatment and volunteer if they provide these kinds of services.
2. Email the Young Survival Coalition and ask for a box of their 'breast cancer in young women' brochure. Take it to your primary care or Ob/Gyn and ask them to display it at the front desk.
3. Talk to your female friends about breast cancer. Do they know how to do a self exam? If they are 40 and older, have they had an annual mammography? Do any of your friends have a history of breast cancer in their family? Are they educated about the BRCA1 & BRCA2 mutations and other genetic testing?
While these things seems small, they make a major impact in women's lives. I have been touched by the outpouring of help we've received by friends, coworkers and family over the last five months. People have cooked for us, watched Liam, taken me to treatments, picked up medications...all of these things have helped us deal with the day-to-day struggles that cancer brings with it. I am blessed to have these people in my life. Unfortunately, many women diagnosed with breast cancer are not as fortunate and truly need the basics to get through surgery, treatment and recovery.
So while Komen donates millions per year to breast cancer research, I will continue advocate for the small non-profits who make their impact on the disease in another way. Komen and the "pink branding" may be mainstream and here to stay. But there are certainly other ways that we can all mark Breast Cancer Awareness Month and truly make an impact on women's lives.
I will give you some examples: I ate an Activia yogart today...it had a pink ribbon on the container. I flipped through Self magazine last night...it had a full page pink ribbon ad for Lean Cuisine. I opened my Facebook page and in the corner was a 'buy a pink ribbon' ad. A year ago I would have thought, "oh how nice", counted on my fingers how many years my mom has been a survivor, and went on my merry way. This year its different because its very personal. And I'm very annoyed.
You are probably thinking my annoyance is due to the fact that I'm in the middle of one the hardest treatment protocols for breast cancer patients. That may be partially to blame. But I think I share the same frustration as many young "survivors". I will try my best to explain my feelings without sounding too harsh and critical.
Breast cancer has become "cool" for product advertising. Kentucky Fried Chicken had pink Buckets for the Cure last year. Websites like the Pink Ribbon Shop sell only that...items with pink ribbons on them. Did people sit in a room and design necklaces with ribbons intertwined in them and think "if we design it, they will buy?". Who buys this stuff? Not me. Not any woman I know who's had breast cancer. Did people buy more Kentucky Friend Chicken last October because the bucket was pink? Why would Komen WANT women to eat fried chicken when its proven that fatty diets and unhealthy lifestyles often contribute to the growth of cancer cells in the body?
When did having cancer become en vogue and an advertising executive's wet dream?
Maybe instead of a pink ribbon on a yogart, they should list the warning signs of breast cancer next to the ingredients: dimpled/thickened skin on the breast, inverted nipple, discharge from the nipple, pealing/flaking breast skin. I think THAT would help a lot more than a ribbon. Or, if they really want to help women through the Lean Cusine ad in Self, give information about how to do a monthly self breast exam. Because unfortunately, most women don't know how to do a self breast exam correctly and don't know what to feel for when doing one.
I know, I know, you are probably saying "she's an idiot because all these companies donate money to breast cancer research". Do they really? The Pink Ribbon website says that they "make periodic donations to various organizations in an effort to find a cure for cancer, assist cancer patients, and reduce cancer deaths through education initiatives that promote early detection. To date your purchases have led to donations of $27,191!!" How much do they donate, what research firms do they donate to and how much of the money really goes toward research? This ambiguitous statement doesn't answer those questions.
Don't get me wrong - I don't hate the Susan G Komen fund. They are the reason breast cancer is on the proverbial map now. Thank God for Susan G. Komen. Thank God her sister, Nancy Brinker, decided to launch a worldwide movement when Susan died in her 30's from breast cancer. I participate in the 5K every year. I donate money. I use the website. It was the first website I went to when I was diagnosed. It helped me understand my pathology report and explained what every number meant. But all that being said, I can't help but be annoyed by the Susan G Komen fund. It just seems like breast cancer awareness has morphed into this money making machine that's more about marketing and advertising than about the actual disease and the life changing treatments women endure.
So what do I advocate you do during Breast Cancer Awareness Month? If you feel inclined to donate money to a breast cancer cause, please consider the following non-profits:
The Young Survival Coalition (www.youngsurvival.org) was formed by breast cancer survivors who are 40 and under. They advocate for better screening for young women, more resources, clinical trials and treatment. Breast cancer in young women presents unique challenges related to fertility, employment, insurance and quality of life. Most doctors still believe that we're 'too young' for breast cancer. YSC is trying to change that attitude in the medical profession and in the insurance industry.
The Pink Daisy Project (www.pinkdaisyproject.org) was created by a YSC member a few years ago to provide young women with breast cancer with simple resources like house cleaning, groceries and transportation to/from treatment. Again, breast cancer in young women creates challenges because most are primary care givers for children or primary breadwinners. The Pink Daisy Project helps those who are struggling to accomplish simple tasks like making meals and cleaning the house.
Fertile Hope (www.fertilehope.org) was created by Lance Armstrong to help those diagnosed with cancer defray the costs of fertility preservation treatments. As many of you know, fertility treatments can run into the tens of thousands of dollars. Most insurance companies do not cover these treatments. Fertile Hope helps young men and women diagnosed with cancer pay for costly drugs and procedures to can help preserve their fertility after treatments are complete.
If you want to get involved instead of donating money, think about doing the following:
1. Call your local hospital. Many have breast cancer screening or oncology centers. Volunteer for a few hours. Ask about programs that deliver meals or other services to women going through treatment and volunteer if they provide these kinds of services.
2. Email the Young Survival Coalition and ask for a box of their 'breast cancer in young women' brochure. Take it to your primary care or Ob/Gyn and ask them to display it at the front desk.
3. Talk to your female friends about breast cancer. Do they know how to do a self exam? If they are 40 and older, have they had an annual mammography? Do any of your friends have a history of breast cancer in their family? Are they educated about the BRCA1 & BRCA2 mutations and other genetic testing?
While these things seems small, they make a major impact in women's lives. I have been touched by the outpouring of help we've received by friends, coworkers and family over the last five months. People have cooked for us, watched Liam, taken me to treatments, picked up medications...all of these things have helped us deal with the day-to-day struggles that cancer brings with it. I am blessed to have these people in my life. Unfortunately, many women diagnosed with breast cancer are not as fortunate and truly need the basics to get through surgery, treatment and recovery.
So while Komen donates millions per year to breast cancer research, I will continue advocate for the small non-profits who make their impact on the disease in another way. Komen and the "pink branding" may be mainstream and here to stay. But there are certainly other ways that we can all mark Breast Cancer Awareness Month and truly make an impact on women's lives.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Scans and Results
Today I was hoping to get some results regarding my port and the lump on my arm. Unfortunately, both tests came back inconclusive for the cause of the issues.
Jim took me for a venogram of my port today at Mount Vernon Hospital. It was very easy - they accessed my port, put some contrast through it and took lots of pictures. I was in and out in one hour. Immediately, they were able to tell there were no blockages or masses in the port line. When they took the needle out of the port, white fluid leaked out again. The doctor came in to look at the fluid and was unable to determine what it was and if it was an infection. Again, they took a culture and told me I would hear something in two days.
I went home, called my oncologist and found out that the culture from Friday showed no infection. As the nurse said on the other end of the line "we have no idea what's coming out of our port". Great! So I will continue to take the Levaquin to ensure if there is bacteria in the port, its killed off so I can have my last treatment on October 1st.
After speaking to the oncologist, I called my surgeon regarding the biopsy of the lump on my arm. The results were non-diagnostic because there weren't enough cells to test. So they recommended I come back in and have the lump removed and biopsied. This can be done with a simple in office excisions biopsy and a few stitches.
So that's the update....this round has been HELL. Between the Levaquin that exhausts me, the exhaustion and nausea from chemo and the worry about the port and the lump, I have not been myself. This round has caused me a great deal of heartache, worry and depression like nothing I've experienced before. I need to stay positive and tell myself "just one more", but all these set backs are frustrating and scary. My hope is to get the last one done and never have to revisit this time in my life again.
Jim took me for a venogram of my port today at Mount Vernon Hospital. It was very easy - they accessed my port, put some contrast through it and took lots of pictures. I was in and out in one hour. Immediately, they were able to tell there were no blockages or masses in the port line. When they took the needle out of the port, white fluid leaked out again. The doctor came in to look at the fluid and was unable to determine what it was and if it was an infection. Again, they took a culture and told me I would hear something in two days.
I went home, called my oncologist and found out that the culture from Friday showed no infection. As the nurse said on the other end of the line "we have no idea what's coming out of our port". Great! So I will continue to take the Levaquin to ensure if there is bacteria in the port, its killed off so I can have my last treatment on October 1st.
After speaking to the oncologist, I called my surgeon regarding the biopsy of the lump on my arm. The results were non-diagnostic because there weren't enough cells to test. So they recommended I come back in and have the lump removed and biopsied. This can be done with a simple in office excisions biopsy and a few stitches.
So that's the update....this round has been HELL. Between the Levaquin that exhausts me, the exhaustion and nausea from chemo and the worry about the port and the lump, I have not been myself. This round has caused me a great deal of heartache, worry and depression like nothing I've experienced before. I need to stay positive and tell myself "just one more", but all these set backs are frustrating and scary. My hope is to get the last one done and never have to revisit this time in my life again.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Round #5
This is going to be a short entry because I'm wiped out.
My good friend Dianne Gittins took me to my fifth chemo infusion yesterday. I worked on a necklace while were were there and we just talked and hung out. It was pretty uneventful (as usual) until the end. When they took the needle out of my port, a bunch of funky fluid came out. It was white so my nurse immediately asked "you aren't still breast feeding, are you?". Um, no, that well went dry the day they told me I had breast cancer. Another nurse came in to see me, asking again if I was still breast feeding. NO I AM NOT!!! I was starting to get annoyed. Did they really think I'd be breast feeding Liam while having poison pumped into my body every three weeks!? Ridiculous!
The nurse took me into a private exam room and did a breast exam and felt all my lymph nodes. She also asked all the normal 'infection questions'...have you been running a fever? Has your port been red or inflamed? Have you had any exposure to infection over the last week?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!
Then I heard the nurses out in the hallway throwing around terms like 'sepsis' and 'antibiotics'. Ugh, another drug? Really? After I put my shirt back on and went out in the hall, the nurse gave me a prescription for Levequin and a direct order: call your surgeon immediately Monday morning.
WAHHHHH!!!! Another visit to the surgeon? I seriously am so over seeing doctors. Although Dr. Weintritt is wonderful (and every nice to look at, I might add), I am tired, tired, tired of going to the doctor. So hopefully I can wrap this into the appointment next week to get the biopsy results of the lump on my arm.
So I'm down for the count for a few days. Resting up, eating what I can (who knew grilled cheese would sit so well after chemo?) Its my new cancer 'feel good' food. Going to rest now.
My good friend Dianne Gittins took me to my fifth chemo infusion yesterday. I worked on a necklace while were were there and we just talked and hung out. It was pretty uneventful (as usual) until the end. When they took the needle out of my port, a bunch of funky fluid came out. It was white so my nurse immediately asked "you aren't still breast feeding, are you?". Um, no, that well went dry the day they told me I had breast cancer. Another nurse came in to see me, asking again if I was still breast feeding. NO I AM NOT!!! I was starting to get annoyed. Did they really think I'd be breast feeding Liam while having poison pumped into my body every three weeks!? Ridiculous!
The nurse took me into a private exam room and did a breast exam and felt all my lymph nodes. She also asked all the normal 'infection questions'...have you been running a fever? Has your port been red or inflamed? Have you had any exposure to infection over the last week?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!
Then I heard the nurses out in the hallway throwing around terms like 'sepsis' and 'antibiotics'. Ugh, another drug? Really? After I put my shirt back on and went out in the hall, the nurse gave me a prescription for Levequin and a direct order: call your surgeon immediately Monday morning.
WAHHHHH!!!! Another visit to the surgeon? I seriously am so over seeing doctors. Although Dr. Weintritt is wonderful (and every nice to look at, I might add), I am tired, tired, tired of going to the doctor. So hopefully I can wrap this into the appointment next week to get the biopsy results of the lump on my arm.
So I'm down for the count for a few days. Resting up, eating what I can (who knew grilled cheese would sit so well after chemo?) Its my new cancer 'feel good' food. Going to rest now.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Update on the Lump
On Wednesday I saw my oncologist regarding the lump on my forearm. She reviewed the ultrasound report, took a look at it and decided that I should go back to my breast surgeon for him to assess it. She said it was probably a cyst, but she wasn't sure and wanted him to aspirate it.
Today, I was able to get in to see my surgeon. He did another ultrasound and aspirated the lump to send the cells to a pathologist. He said I should have the results by next Wednesday, but he felt confident it was nothing more than a lipoma (a fatty deposit).
I feel some sense of relief because I've followed through and had everything tested. Now I just need to wait for the results. I'm optimistic its nothing, but preparing myself for the worst (as always). There was a time when I never thought something 'bad' like cancer would affect me at this age. But knowing what I know now, I'm prepared to hear whatever the results are. Again, hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.
Tomorrow is my fifth round of chemo. After tomorrow I will only have one left. I cannot wait to have tomorrow behind me and only one more treatment left.
Today, I was able to get in to see my surgeon. He did another ultrasound and aspirated the lump to send the cells to a pathologist. He said I should have the results by next Wednesday, but he felt confident it was nothing more than a lipoma (a fatty deposit).
I feel some sense of relief because I've followed through and had everything tested. Now I just need to wait for the results. I'm optimistic its nothing, but preparing myself for the worst (as always). There was a time when I never thought something 'bad' like cancer would affect me at this age. But knowing what I know now, I'm prepared to hear whatever the results are. Again, hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.
Tomorrow is my fifth round of chemo. After tomorrow I will only have one left. I cannot wait to have tomorrow behind me and only one more treatment left.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Another lump?
As my cancer survivor friends who follow this blog can attest, the biggest fear in our lives is recurrence. We are always worried about lumps, bumps, scans and bloodwork. This week, I had my first experience with a new lump. Talk about stress! Its turned my world (emotionally and mentally) upside down. Up until this point, I've been very positive and feeling like, "I can beat this thing". This week was the first time I truly felt like this thing could beat me. I'm trying to get back to the positive, but its been tough.
It all started with a lump on my forearm. I randomly looked down during a meeting and noticed this bulging lump under the skin on my forearm. I ran my finger over it, pushed on it, moved it and then pushed on it again. Kind of like I did with the lump I found in my breast - I played around with it for a few minutes to actually figure out what this bizarre lump was on my body. Immediately, I showed it to a coworker who is a cancer survivor. She looked at me and said "call your doctor". So I did.
As the day went on, my fingers felt numb at times. The lump started to feel noticeable. By that I mean that when I moved my arm, I felt it. When I typed, I felt it. When I extended my arm, I felt it. It didn't hurt and wasn't painful. But I knew it was there and that freaked me out. Kind of like the lump in my breast - it never hurt, but when I put on my bra, I could feel it. I knew it was there.
The advice nurse who I spoke to ran down the 10 questions they always ask whenever you call with something that's just not right. I told her about the numbness, the 'not right' feeling and then I mentioned...chest pains.
CHEST PAINS! Oh God, you would have thought I said I was dying.
That got me an appointment immediately. Not that I'm complaining...but as a chemotherapy patient, the minute you say 'chest pain', that's a free pass to see whomever you want. And I wasn't playing that card to get in immediately. I have had chest pains since Monday. I just didn't pay attention to them until I saw the lump. Then my mind went crazy, wandered to bad places and had me hovering over my casket, looking down at myself saying "if only you would have called the doctor when you felt those first few chest pains!". But seriously, the chest pain had concerned me b/c of the Adriamycin (one of my chemotherapy drugs). But with everything else going on...I figured, I'll see the doctor before my next session, mention to her and we'll see what she says. It wasn't a pressing issue for me.
I was able to see the doctor immediately. She looked at the lump on my arm and immediately said that she was worried it was a blood clot. The lump was located smack dab in the middle of my arm where one of my nice large green veins is located. She was worried and not taking any chances. I asked about cancer metastasizing in the bones and I was assured that if the lump was malignant, it would be the strangest presentation of metastatic breast cancer she had ever seen.
So the next three hours involved driving all over Northern Virginia to get scanned, poked and prodded. I needed to have an ultrasound at a cardiovascular center and then a CT scan at an imaging office. The ultrasound was first and took forever. The tech scanned the lump on my arm and immediately told me it was not a blood clot. THANK GOD. But as she looked at it further, it presented two very concerning characteristics: it was large (over 2 cm) and it was irregularly shaped. She also said she could not tell if there was fluid in it or not and could not rule in or out a cyst. She then scanned the veins in my neck, chest and arm and ruled out any other blood clots that could have caused the lump. This was all good news.
The doctor at the ultrasound center also looked at the pictures. She also could not tell what the lump on my arm was and recommended a fine needle aspiration to biopsy it. The word "biopsy" is a scary one for a cancer patient. I immediately felt hot, sweaty and anxious hearing that word. Six months ago I had a biopsy...one that I thought would yield nothing but a fibroid.
After the ultrasound, I got back in the car and went to the imaging center. I had a CT scan of my chest and luckily, it was clear for any clots or masses in the lungs. I was given the green light to go home. There would be no hospital visits for me! Again, THANK GOD.
So we are in a "wait and see" limbo right now. I see my doctor again on Wednesday and she will make a determination then. It could be a fatty deposit, it could be a cyst...or it could be something else. I am praying its nothing more than a fatty deposit (hey, I've gained 10 lbs so who the heck knows....this could be my body's way to telling me to lose some damn weight). But for me with my history, I can't help but worry and be a little scared.
It all started with a lump on my forearm. I randomly looked down during a meeting and noticed this bulging lump under the skin on my forearm. I ran my finger over it, pushed on it, moved it and then pushed on it again. Kind of like I did with the lump I found in my breast - I played around with it for a few minutes to actually figure out what this bizarre lump was on my body. Immediately, I showed it to a coworker who is a cancer survivor. She looked at me and said "call your doctor". So I did.
As the day went on, my fingers felt numb at times. The lump started to feel noticeable. By that I mean that when I moved my arm, I felt it. When I typed, I felt it. When I extended my arm, I felt it. It didn't hurt and wasn't painful. But I knew it was there and that freaked me out. Kind of like the lump in my breast - it never hurt, but when I put on my bra, I could feel it. I knew it was there.
The advice nurse who I spoke to ran down the 10 questions they always ask whenever you call with something that's just not right. I told her about the numbness, the 'not right' feeling and then I mentioned...chest pains.
CHEST PAINS! Oh God, you would have thought I said I was dying.
That got me an appointment immediately. Not that I'm complaining...but as a chemotherapy patient, the minute you say 'chest pain', that's a free pass to see whomever you want. And I wasn't playing that card to get in immediately. I have had chest pains since Monday. I just didn't pay attention to them until I saw the lump. Then my mind went crazy, wandered to bad places and had me hovering over my casket, looking down at myself saying "if only you would have called the doctor when you felt those first few chest pains!". But seriously, the chest pain had concerned me b/c of the Adriamycin (one of my chemotherapy drugs). But with everything else going on...I figured, I'll see the doctor before my next session, mention to her and we'll see what she says. It wasn't a pressing issue for me.
I was able to see the doctor immediately. She looked at the lump on my arm and immediately said that she was worried it was a blood clot. The lump was located smack dab in the middle of my arm where one of my nice large green veins is located. She was worried and not taking any chances. I asked about cancer metastasizing in the bones and I was assured that if the lump was malignant, it would be the strangest presentation of metastatic breast cancer she had ever seen.
So the next three hours involved driving all over Northern Virginia to get scanned, poked and prodded. I needed to have an ultrasound at a cardiovascular center and then a CT scan at an imaging office. The ultrasound was first and took forever. The tech scanned the lump on my arm and immediately told me it was not a blood clot. THANK GOD. But as she looked at it further, it presented two very concerning characteristics: it was large (over 2 cm) and it was irregularly shaped. She also said she could not tell if there was fluid in it or not and could not rule in or out a cyst. She then scanned the veins in my neck, chest and arm and ruled out any other blood clots that could have caused the lump. This was all good news.
The doctor at the ultrasound center also looked at the pictures. She also could not tell what the lump on my arm was and recommended a fine needle aspiration to biopsy it. The word "biopsy" is a scary one for a cancer patient. I immediately felt hot, sweaty and anxious hearing that word. Six months ago I had a biopsy...one that I thought would yield nothing but a fibroid.
After the ultrasound, I got back in the car and went to the imaging center. I had a CT scan of my chest and luckily, it was clear for any clots or masses in the lungs. I was given the green light to go home. There would be no hospital visits for me! Again, THANK GOD.
So we are in a "wait and see" limbo right now. I see my doctor again on Wednesday and she will make a determination then. It could be a fatty deposit, it could be a cyst...or it could be something else. I am praying its nothing more than a fatty deposit (hey, I've gained 10 lbs so who the heck knows....this could be my body's way to telling me to lose some damn weight). But for me with my history, I can't help but worry and be a little scared.
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