Friday, August 27, 2010
Completely Exhausted!
Getting over the chemo hump took me about five days this time around. By Wednesday, I was able to work from home and had an easier time concentrating, reading and focusing. But the cumulative effect has hit me - I'm constantly tired and ready for bed by 8:00 every night. The doctor warned me of this when I began treatment. She said that chemotherapy builds over the duration of treatment and the fatigue would get worse. The last two days have been a challenge for me in the evening and I've been falling asleep earlier and earlier. I hope to get some energy back this weekend so I am refreshed and better rested on Monday.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Round #4 - Done!
My fourth round of chemo is done! I am 2/3s of the way there! My good friend Brenda D'Sylva took me to the infusion. We spent the day talking and I made jewelry - the day flew by!
No strange side effects except for the typical sinus headache. I was exhausted afterwards and went to bed at 7:30. I slept 12 hours, but woke up frequently due to a lot of nausea. Luckily, I never got sick, but I've been drinking Maalox like its water. The prescription the doctor gave me for Nexium was denied by my insurance (nice!). So it looks like I will be asking for Marinol this week. I can't take this sour stomach and queasiness anymore. Ick.
Today is Liam's birthday and I am planning to take a nice long nap before his birthday celebration. He is spending the afternoon at a friend's birthday party so I can sleep. I made him cupcakes and wrapped gifts Thursday - I can't wait to see his reaction to every ting! I just wish I felt a little better and could enjoy the day more.
No strange side effects except for the typical sinus headache. I was exhausted afterwards and went to bed at 7:30. I slept 12 hours, but woke up frequently due to a lot of nausea. Luckily, I never got sick, but I've been drinking Maalox like its water. The prescription the doctor gave me for Nexium was denied by my insurance (nice!). So it looks like I will be asking for Marinol this week. I can't take this sour stomach and queasiness anymore. Ick.
Today is Liam's birthday and I am planning to take a nice long nap before his birthday celebration. He is spending the afternoon at a friend's birthday party so I can sleep. I made him cupcakes and wrapped gifts Thursday - I can't wait to see his reaction to every ting! I just wish I felt a little better and could enjoy the day more.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Round #4 Tomorrow
It looks like things are a 'go' for Friday's chemo. I saw the doctor today and my white blood cell count is good. The only concern this time around is my iron level and hemoglobin. I am anemic to begin with and it looks like chemo has only made me more anemic. So as of today, I am taking an iron supplement (in addition to the multi-vitamin I already take).
The conversation (as usual) centered around nausea. This time around, my doctor wrote a prescription for Nexium. I am sure you all have seen the commercials for it on TV. I won't just be taking it during my chemo weeks, but everyday until I am done with treatment. This is due to an increase in stomach acid (produced by both the steroids and the chemo) which causes issues with how the cells of the stomach interact with the stomach lining (I know, this isn't the most scientific explanation so bare with me!). I will continue to take five days of steroids as opposed to three and see if that helps again reduce the nausea.
Another side effect that reared its ugly head this time around was excessive tearing of the eyes and a constant runny nose. This is due to Taxotere, one of the chemotherapy drugs. Taxotere dries out your mucus membranes throughout your body. So because of this, many chemo patients end up with sores in the mouth and nose, as well as dry surfaces of the eyes. Sometimes, the eyes combat the dryness by making more tears. This can cause issues with the tear ducts. I was referred to my eye doctor for an examination to make sure the tear ducts are functioning properly. My doctor was concerned because sometimes the tear ducts can get clogged when they are constantly producing tears, which can lead to red swollen corners of the eye and other problems. In the interim, I have to put saline drops in my eyes 4 - 5 times a day and massage the tear duct to make sure its not clogging.
The last thing we talked about was the 'chemopause'. We talked about the hot flashes and how I can minimize them. I was referred to the lifewithcancer.org website (which I am already using for support groups and advice) because they offer acupuncture for cancer patients at a reduced price. Acupuncture has been known to reduce hot flashes associated with menopause and minimize nausea associated with chemotherapy. So we'll see if I can get an appointment next week with an acupuncturist and if helps at all with these side effects. I am hopeful it will help.
The conversation (as usual) centered around nausea. This time around, my doctor wrote a prescription for Nexium. I am sure you all have seen the commercials for it on TV. I won't just be taking it during my chemo weeks, but everyday until I am done with treatment. This is due to an increase in stomach acid (produced by both the steroids and the chemo) which causes issues with how the cells of the stomach interact with the stomach lining (I know, this isn't the most scientific explanation so bare with me!). I will continue to take five days of steroids as opposed to three and see if that helps again reduce the nausea.
Another side effect that reared its ugly head this time around was excessive tearing of the eyes and a constant runny nose. This is due to Taxotere, one of the chemotherapy drugs. Taxotere dries out your mucus membranes throughout your body. So because of this, many chemo patients end up with sores in the mouth and nose, as well as dry surfaces of the eyes. Sometimes, the eyes combat the dryness by making more tears. This can cause issues with the tear ducts. I was referred to my eye doctor for an examination to make sure the tear ducts are functioning properly. My doctor was concerned because sometimes the tear ducts can get clogged when they are constantly producing tears, which can lead to red swollen corners of the eye and other problems. In the interim, I have to put saline drops in my eyes 4 - 5 times a day and massage the tear duct to make sure its not clogging.
The last thing we talked about was the 'chemopause'. We talked about the hot flashes and how I can minimize them. I was referred to the lifewithcancer.org website (which I am already using for support groups and advice) because they offer acupuncture for cancer patients at a reduced price. Acupuncture has been known to reduce hot flashes associated with menopause and minimize nausea associated with chemotherapy. So we'll see if I can get an appointment next week with an acupuncturist and if helps at all with these side effects. I am hopeful it will help.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Things I worry about
Everyone "worries" about things. Will my children be well adjusted? Will I have enough money for retirement? Will it rain tomorrow? Will I meet Mr./Mrs. Right?
Cancer patients and survivors worry too, but on a different level. I've been worrying a lot more than usual lately. My typical worry six months ago was if I could take off from work on Friday or if Jim's ex was going to be a bitch next time he picked Lauren for a weekend. Almost five months post-diagnosis, I try not to sweat the small stuff. My worries are on a larger level, but they also causes me more anxiety about things that I absolutely cannot control.
Changes in lifestyle are the way I try and 'control' my anxiety and worry. As many of you know, I've tried to cut red meat out of my diet. I've been rather successful (although, while on our beach vacation, I indulged quite a bit in meat. I couldn't help it). I've also tried to eat more organic fruits and veggies and whole grains. If I could, I would exercise more. But for right now, a two mile walk every other day is about all I can do (and on treatment weeks, I can't even do that).
Anyway, as I try to control anything that could "give me cancer again", here is a list of my most recent worries. You will see why I often have insomnia.
1. The pain in my back I've had for the last month...has the breast cancer started growing in my bones? Am I actually Stage IV?
2. Will the cancer metastisize in another organ and kill me before I'm 40?
3. Is the Adriamycin damaging my heart muscle? Will I be able to run again?
4. Because of #3, will I have a heart attack when I'm 45 years old?
5. Will I ever NOT feel tired? Will I ever have the endurance and stamina I had six months ago?
6. Will I be able to have more children?
7. Will I need to have my ovaries removed at some point?
Yup, this is what I worry about. When stuff happens at work, while I used to stress out and get all bent out of shape about it, I just kind shrug my shoulders now and think "whatever". I know that's a crappy attitude to have, but you know what...when someone tells you "you have cancer", its a game changer. Things that used to send my blood pressure skyrocketing (and those of you reading this know who and what they are)...it just doesn't matter. Don't get me wrong, I still get annoyed and pissed off about things at work or things in my personal life. I'm human. But they don't get me like they used to and I don't obsess about them. When one of your main worries is if you'll need an oopherectomy (getting your ovaries removed) to stop from producing estrogen (and feeding cancer cells), 'small' stuff takes a backseat.
So anyway, as I start my week with my fourth treatment looming in the not so distant future (Friday), I realize that I still do worry...a lot. But my worries have completely changed and many of those worries are things I cannot control. I like to think that I didn't give myself cancer (and that it was some mutant cell who's DNA morphed five years ago). But if my behavior did give me cancer, maybe I can control it through lifestyle changes. And maybe those small changes will diminish my worries.
Cancer patients and survivors worry too, but on a different level. I've been worrying a lot more than usual lately. My typical worry six months ago was if I could take off from work on Friday or if Jim's ex was going to be a bitch next time he picked Lauren for a weekend. Almost five months post-diagnosis, I try not to sweat the small stuff. My worries are on a larger level, but they also causes me more anxiety about things that I absolutely cannot control.
Changes in lifestyle are the way I try and 'control' my anxiety and worry. As many of you know, I've tried to cut red meat out of my diet. I've been rather successful (although, while on our beach vacation, I indulged quite a bit in meat. I couldn't help it). I've also tried to eat more organic fruits and veggies and whole grains. If I could, I would exercise more. But for right now, a two mile walk every other day is about all I can do (and on treatment weeks, I can't even do that).
Anyway, as I try to control anything that could "give me cancer again", here is a list of my most recent worries. You will see why I often have insomnia.
1. The pain in my back I've had for the last month...has the breast cancer started growing in my bones? Am I actually Stage IV?
2. Will the cancer metastisize in another organ and kill me before I'm 40?
3. Is the Adriamycin damaging my heart muscle? Will I be able to run again?
4. Because of #3, will I have a heart attack when I'm 45 years old?
5. Will I ever NOT feel tired? Will I ever have the endurance and stamina I had six months ago?
6. Will I be able to have more children?
7. Will I need to have my ovaries removed at some point?
Yup, this is what I worry about. When stuff happens at work, while I used to stress out and get all bent out of shape about it, I just kind shrug my shoulders now and think "whatever". I know that's a crappy attitude to have, but you know what...when someone tells you "you have cancer", its a game changer. Things that used to send my blood pressure skyrocketing (and those of you reading this know who and what they are)...it just doesn't matter. Don't get me wrong, I still get annoyed and pissed off about things at work or things in my personal life. I'm human. But they don't get me like they used to and I don't obsess about them. When one of your main worries is if you'll need an oopherectomy (getting your ovaries removed) to stop from producing estrogen (and feeding cancer cells), 'small' stuff takes a backseat.
So anyway, as I start my week with my fourth treatment looming in the not so distant future (Friday), I realize that I still do worry...a lot. But my worries have completely changed and many of those worries are things I cannot control. I like to think that I didn't give myself cancer (and that it was some mutant cell who's DNA morphed five years ago). But if my behavior did give me cancer, maybe I can control it through lifestyle changes. And maybe those small changes will diminish my worries.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Catching Up
Its been almost two weeks since I updated my blog. Sorry I have not been better with the updates, but I can barely keep up with my everyday life. I'm at the half way point with chemo and could not be happier. I am literally counting the days until I am done.
This round was different than the first two. I think the difference had to do with my state of mind....a beach state of mind. We left for Duck, North Carolina on Sunday, the 1st (two days after my third round of chemo). I had a good ride down there because we broke up the trip by stopping at Chris and Penny's house in Norfolk. No nausea, just fatigue on the way down. The first two days of vacation I just sat around the house, went in the pool for a bit and slept. But I didn't have the depression or the utter fatigue of the first two rounds. I think its because I willed myself to be well. I was on vacation and I didn't want to miss anything because I was laying in bed, being sick. Now, if I could just find a way to be at the beach after the next three chemo sessions....
My new side effect from the third round of chemo are hot flashes. Yup, I've entered "chemopause"...chemotherapy induced menopause. No periods (yay!), but awful hotness all the time (boo!). My hot flashes are pretty standard. One part of my body gets really hot every once and a while. For me, its my head and neck. I feel like I am burning up with a fever and my head gets all hot and sweaty for about a minute. I think its only magnified because I wear a hat. And did you know that the human head sweats a lot? Regardless of hot flashes, our heads produce a heck of a hot of heat. Hence why our moms always used to tell us as kids "Wear a hat when you go out in the snow, you lose all your heat through your head". Well, its true. My head is in a perpetual state of hotness. And in the middle of 100 degree heat in August, its not pretty.
Because of these new lovely hot flashes, I've strongly considered ditching the hat and going 'au natural'. But I think that would really freak people out. I mean, how often do you see a bald chick in the grocery store? Or walking down the hallway at work? Its bizarre and people will undoubtedly stare. And I'm just not ready for that kind of attention. I have enough trouble going 'au natural' at home. So I'll keep the hat on for now...I pray it only gets cooler as fall arrives. I anticipate I will be sporting the hat/scarf look until at least late Spring 2011. All the blogs and websites about breast cancer say it takes about 4 - 6 months for the hair to grow back enough to actually style it. Oh well. I guess the hot headedness will continue for at least another six months.
On a somewhat related note, I saw my girlie doctor today to discuss an IUD. I need to be on some kind of birth control. Because the cancer I have is super estrogen receptive, all forms of hormonal birth control are out of the question for the rest of my life. Nice, huh? Could this disease do ANYTHING ELSE to screw up the normalcy of my life?! Anyway, the more I see doctors for other medical reasons that are not cancer-related, the more I realize that for the rest of my life, I will have the Scarlett letters across my file that say "CANCER. SHE'S DIFFERENT." I hate that.
Before I saw the girlie doctor, the nurse came in to discuss the process of getting an IUD. She explained to me that I need preauthorization from my insurance before they will order the device. She also explained that I need to have clean STD tests and not be pregnant. No problem! Then the conversation went south. She told me that after all that is done, I need to come back when aunt flow is in town. It was like a car coming to a screeching halt. I explained that I was undergoing chemotherapy and that just wasn't happening right now....all the parts are NOT in proper working order. "Oh, that could be a problem" she told me. Problem? Really? My oncologist told me to get one of these so I don't get pregnant while undergoing chemotherapy and have a baby with severe birth defects. Every woman on my Young Survival Coalition chat group told me to get an IUD because they are hormone free and the safest for breast cancer survivors. How can all these women be telling me its easy to do and now this nurse is telling me "Oh, that could be a problem". So after some back and forth with her, I realized she wasn't understanding where I was coming from and didn't 'get' that CANCER PATIENTS ARE DIFFERENT!! So I stopped the conversation and asked to see the doctor.
My girlie doctor immediately understood what chemopause was and said that we could easily work around this issue. Since this was a consultation, she gave me three options on IUDs. Of course, two of the products she gave me information on release hormones into the body so those were immediately nixed. As soon as I saw the word "HORMONE" on the pamphlet covers of those two IUD brochures, it freaked me out. I know my body is constantly making hormones - that's what makes me female! But the thought of putting more hormones into my body scared me. The research is still out on if birth control has an impact on causing cancer cells to grow because of the synthetic hormone. Because of this, I am not taking my chances ever again. I am sure the 15 years I was on birth control didn't help my cause, but I also can't wrap my head around the notion that it gave me cancer either.
So after some back and forth with the girlie doctor, we decided on one that is hormone free and works for up to 10 years. And I can take it out when I'm ready to implant Frozen Babycicle Craige in two years. So I'm feeling good about my decision and I'm glad the hormone-free option was there for me.
This round was different than the first two. I think the difference had to do with my state of mind....a beach state of mind. We left for Duck, North Carolina on Sunday, the 1st (two days after my third round of chemo). I had a good ride down there because we broke up the trip by stopping at Chris and Penny's house in Norfolk. No nausea, just fatigue on the way down. The first two days of vacation I just sat around the house, went in the pool for a bit and slept. But I didn't have the depression or the utter fatigue of the first two rounds. I think its because I willed myself to be well. I was on vacation and I didn't want to miss anything because I was laying in bed, being sick. Now, if I could just find a way to be at the beach after the next three chemo sessions....
My new side effect from the third round of chemo are hot flashes. Yup, I've entered "chemopause"...chemotherapy induced menopause. No periods (yay!), but awful hotness all the time (boo!). My hot flashes are pretty standard. One part of my body gets really hot every once and a while. For me, its my head and neck. I feel like I am burning up with a fever and my head gets all hot and sweaty for about a minute. I think its only magnified because I wear a hat. And did you know that the human head sweats a lot? Regardless of hot flashes, our heads produce a heck of a hot of heat. Hence why our moms always used to tell us as kids "Wear a hat when you go out in the snow, you lose all your heat through your head". Well, its true. My head is in a perpetual state of hotness. And in the middle of 100 degree heat in August, its not pretty.
Because of these new lovely hot flashes, I've strongly considered ditching the hat and going 'au natural'. But I think that would really freak people out. I mean, how often do you see a bald chick in the grocery store? Or walking down the hallway at work? Its bizarre and people will undoubtedly stare. And I'm just not ready for that kind of attention. I have enough trouble going 'au natural' at home. So I'll keep the hat on for now...I pray it only gets cooler as fall arrives. I anticipate I will be sporting the hat/scarf look until at least late Spring 2011. All the blogs and websites about breast cancer say it takes about 4 - 6 months for the hair to grow back enough to actually style it. Oh well. I guess the hot headedness will continue for at least another six months.
On a somewhat related note, I saw my girlie doctor today to discuss an IUD. I need to be on some kind of birth control. Because the cancer I have is super estrogen receptive, all forms of hormonal birth control are out of the question for the rest of my life. Nice, huh? Could this disease do ANYTHING ELSE to screw up the normalcy of my life?! Anyway, the more I see doctors for other medical reasons that are not cancer-related, the more I realize that for the rest of my life, I will have the Scarlett letters across my file that say "CANCER. SHE'S DIFFERENT." I hate that.
Before I saw the girlie doctor, the nurse came in to discuss the process of getting an IUD. She explained to me that I need preauthorization from my insurance before they will order the device. She also explained that I need to have clean STD tests and not be pregnant. No problem! Then the conversation went south. She told me that after all that is done, I need to come back when aunt flow is in town. It was like a car coming to a screeching halt. I explained that I was undergoing chemotherapy and that just wasn't happening right now....all the parts are NOT in proper working order. "Oh, that could be a problem" she told me. Problem? Really? My oncologist told me to get one of these so I don't get pregnant while undergoing chemotherapy and have a baby with severe birth defects. Every woman on my Young Survival Coalition chat group told me to get an IUD because they are hormone free and the safest for breast cancer survivors. How can all these women be telling me its easy to do and now this nurse is telling me "Oh, that could be a problem". So after some back and forth with her, I realized she wasn't understanding where I was coming from and didn't 'get' that CANCER PATIENTS ARE DIFFERENT!! So I stopped the conversation and asked to see the doctor.
My girlie doctor immediately understood what chemopause was and said that we could easily work around this issue. Since this was a consultation, she gave me three options on IUDs. Of course, two of the products she gave me information on release hormones into the body so those were immediately nixed. As soon as I saw the word "HORMONE" on the pamphlet covers of those two IUD brochures, it freaked me out. I know my body is constantly making hormones - that's what makes me female! But the thought of putting more hormones into my body scared me. The research is still out on if birth control has an impact on causing cancer cells to grow because of the synthetic hormone. Because of this, I am not taking my chances ever again. I am sure the 15 years I was on birth control didn't help my cause, but I also can't wrap my head around the notion that it gave me cancer either.
So after some back and forth with the girlie doctor, we decided on one that is hormone free and works for up to 10 years. And I can take it out when I'm ready to implant Frozen Babycicle Craige in two years. So I'm feeling good about my decision and I'm glad the hormone-free option was there for me.
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